Lewis Carroll wrote in Alice in Wonderland, "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then." For us, this quote speaks volumes. We drove home today from Minnesota, a little disappointed we have to wait for surgery, but knowing that waiting for this surgeon in this special operating room is worth the wait. Life, though, has a funny way of teasing us with time. The past ten days have felt like an eternity or like time has been suspended. Logically, we know time has not stood still. Bills still need paid. Basketball games still must be watched. Dogs need fed. Elizabeth is no different today than she was two weeks ago as we planned for her semester abroad or three years ago when we took her to Denison University and drove away. She is a vibrant young woman with a great circle of friends and a sense of adventure that we know will take her far - even back to Copenhagen some day. The neurological surgeon in Denmark said, "Anne (he called her Anne for some reason) is the same today as she was when you put her on the plane." To an extent that is true, and yet, in many ways that is the farthest from the truth and much closer to Carroll's quote.
The realities of the tumor are beginning to settle in. Elizabeth has started to worry about how this tumor is going to interrupt her studies, and she is afraid of not graduating with her class. Lurking in the back of the mind is also the fear that the tumor may come back, and yet, realistically she knows she cannot live in fear because fear can be debilitating. Discovering the tumor has altered all of our views of living, and we are different. While there is no going back to erase the seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumor, we need to realize that this has changed our family and the way we see each other. We are, as Carroll wrote, different people than we were before the tumor.
For ten more days, we will try to fill time, hoping it goes much faster than the past ten days. Elizabeth is ready for the surgery, believing that her surgeon is going to remove most- if not all- of the tumor. We know time is going to stand still, and no matter how much we wish it to speed by, it will take its own sweet time. What we know for sure, though, is that we are different and there is no going back.
The realities of the tumor are beginning to settle in. Elizabeth has started to worry about how this tumor is going to interrupt her studies, and she is afraid of not graduating with her class. Lurking in the back of the mind is also the fear that the tumor may come back, and yet, realistically she knows she cannot live in fear because fear can be debilitating. Discovering the tumor has altered all of our views of living, and we are different. While there is no going back to erase the seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumor, we need to realize that this has changed our family and the way we see each other. We are, as Carroll wrote, different people than we were before the tumor.
For ten more days, we will try to fill time, hoping it goes much faster than the past ten days. Elizabeth is ready for the surgery, believing that her surgeon is going to remove most- if not all- of the tumor. We know time is going to stand still, and no matter how much we wish it to speed by, it will take its own sweet time. What we know for sure, though, is that we are different and there is no going back.